Still not sleeping well. My mother came down and we went to Target. It was supposed to be hang out time, like going to dinner or something, but she needed a few things and i went with her.
God I don't even know why i write this to you all. my life is average and i can assure you im not as smart as i sound. my big words are all i actually have, making them almost empty. i guess its for myself. i find it easier to type than write, and im getting quite tired of filling books and loosing them somewhere, or someone stealing it. hah, irony. now im savibg them the trouble of reading it to everypne by making this acess to everyone. but to those following me, thanks. i actually feel a tad bit special. expecially since its not too much followers, in which case i would debate on postibg anymore.
my roommate, jess, who is having a baby, celebrated her birthday sunday. we got icecream cake, balloons
i really hope this posts. her phone is being retarded on letting me comment back to you, twocent. but i promise when access to a computer comes aslong i will explain the poem. but right now my fingers are starting to hurt, so here i cut you off with not even a quarter of an update.
keep on shining until tomarrow1.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Another Post That's Not in the Morning.
Yeah, I know, I just posted something this morning.
I can't really remember how late...early it was. All I do remember is that I haven't been to sleep, at all. Right before my Mother got me from my apartment to stay the night at her house, helping with the kids and some eye-doctors apointment, I had awoke from a nap that lasted maybe four to five hours. She got me around six, and I haven't slept since. It is now ten twenty six in the morning and I am awaiting for tweleve to strike the clock so I can get my new contacts and go back home.
Since I moved out I don't really feel welcome here anymore. My older sister, who still lives there but hopefully not for long, has already pushed my bed and dresser -which is all I left, and it contains a few outfits for whe I visit- into a corner of the room and threw all her shit on the floor where my space used to be. Other than that, just coming home...I mean to my Mother's house in general is odd, yet still the same.
My Step Father still works till about six and comes home to sit in the shed until God knows what time at night smoking crack or whatever else he can fit up his nose or inhale easily. And we just can't forget how many beer bottles find their way to the base of our tree's. My Mother is still in pain, as usual. With her bad neck, that she is getting surgery on soon, and still taking care of a four year old, a one year old and my mentally insane brother who is tweleve? I think. I'm not trying to be mean when I call him metally insane, that's just what his phychitryst (Excuse my spelling) told us. Other than that, nothing is different.
Other than the fact that I finally found a voice.
Say Goodnight to the Sun and the clouds,
Keep on Shining Until Tomarrow,
-Essa
I can't really remember how late...early it was. All I do remember is that I haven't been to sleep, at all. Right before my Mother got me from my apartment to stay the night at her house, helping with the kids and some eye-doctors apointment, I had awoke from a nap that lasted maybe four to five hours. She got me around six, and I haven't slept since. It is now ten twenty six in the morning and I am awaiting for tweleve to strike the clock so I can get my new contacts and go back home.
Since I moved out I don't really feel welcome here anymore. My older sister, who still lives there but hopefully not for long, has already pushed my bed and dresser -which is all I left, and it contains a few outfits for whe I visit- into a corner of the room and threw all her shit on the floor where my space used to be. Other than that, just coming home...I mean to my Mother's house in general is odd, yet still the same.
My Step Father still works till about six and comes home to sit in the shed until God knows what time at night smoking crack or whatever else he can fit up his nose or inhale easily. And we just can't forget how many beer bottles find their way to the base of our tree's. My Mother is still in pain, as usual. With her bad neck, that she is getting surgery on soon, and still taking care of a four year old, a one year old and my mentally insane brother who is tweleve? I think. I'm not trying to be mean when I call him metally insane, that's just what his phychitryst (Excuse my spelling) told us. Other than that, nothing is different.
Other than the fact that I finally found a voice.
Say Goodnight to the Sun and the clouds,
Keep on Shining Until Tomarrow,
-Essa
I'm Listening to the Rain and it Sounds a lot Like You.
Loud, but misunderstood.
Scary, but pleasant.
You've got your closest friends.
Thunder and Lightning.
But all they do is make you seem worse and worse with each storm.
Though I admit,
Sometimes it makes you more plesant to listen to,
Sometimes I can bare it,
But sometimes it makes me want to hide under my covers
To close my eyes
Until your gone.
Make sure you take them with you as well.
Just as I love the rainstorm,
I love you.
But what do you do
When the rainstorm is getting harder and harder
And the lightning gets brighter and brighter
Followed by the thunder getting louder and louder.
Does it not become to much to bare?
Does it not,
Make the voices in my head start screaming at me?
Well, they all do
And as usual
I am left with a headache
And a decision.
What's it going to be this time Essa?
Will you show the world you can tame the Lion?
Show the sky you can tame the clouds?
Prove to the streets you can change a whore?
Or run away from it all,
And go hide under your bedsheets again.
I was told to wait,
Be patient.
But not only have I been patient for a while,
But I am aslo im-patient.
Expecially when nothing is changing
But the screaming gets louder,
The arguments are more constant,
And words begin to mean nothing.
Soon enough the actions will mean nothing too,
And then what are we to do?
Come on children gather around,
We'll hide under the blankets together.
Scary, but pleasant.
You've got your closest friends.
Thunder and Lightning.
But all they do is make you seem worse and worse with each storm.
Though I admit,
Sometimes it makes you more plesant to listen to,
Sometimes I can bare it,
But sometimes it makes me want to hide under my covers
To close my eyes
Until your gone.
Make sure you take them with you as well.
Just as I love the rainstorm,
I love you.
But what do you do
When the rainstorm is getting harder and harder
And the lightning gets brighter and brighter
Followed by the thunder getting louder and louder.
Does it not become to much to bare?
Does it not,
Make the voices in my head start screaming at me?
Well, they all do
And as usual
I am left with a headache
And a decision.
What's it going to be this time Essa?
Will you show the world you can tame the Lion?
Show the sky you can tame the clouds?
Prove to the streets you can change a whore?
Or run away from it all,
And go hide under your bedsheets again.
I was told to wait,
Be patient.
But not only have I been patient for a while,
But I am aslo im-patient.
Expecially when nothing is changing
But the screaming gets louder,
The arguments are more constant,
And words begin to mean nothing.
Soon enough the actions will mean nothing too,
And then what are we to do?
Come on children gather around,
We'll hide under the blankets together.
I'll never be famous.
I hope I never do become famous like that girl Julie from Julie/Julia. Sure, a few readers on Google can't hurt me. But for the love of me, don't tell your friends about me. I can be your little secret, but hopefully not the one you have to hide in a small black box under your bed so no one will notice how much of a fucking weirdo you are.
I don't want this blog to be all about me though. If your reading something, that you find similiar to yourself please tell me about it! I would love to hear your stories and how you went about them. I hope to not only entertain my readers, but know them as well. I can assure you that if you have posted a comment or are currently following me, I have seen your blog at least once, and not just as a pity look. I promise.
Anywho, how's about I tell you a tad bit of myself so maybe you can get an idea of what kind of girl who's shit your going to be reading for however long you plan to read for, if you have even made it to this point.
Some of my posts will be in poem formation, I can assure you that.
I love to write, and I hope that some day I become a poet, or a book author. That's one thing I would not mind being as famous as Steven King for. My lifetime goal although has nothing to do with a paying occupation -though oddly enough it can be turned into one-. It's to be a Mom. I don't care if the story starts out with, "I found the love of my life and years later we had our first love baby," or "Well one night I drank too much Jack Daniels for my own good and wound up with Jude here," It's still my dream.
To get to that dream, I have to get through so much more of my life first. A Husband/Fiance/Boyfriend is definitly not needed in the mix, but if it happens I guess it happens. Hell it might even make my plans a tad bit easier -and happier-.
I want to be on good terms with everyone. That does not mean that I want to be everyones friend, or I'm trying to be the most popular person alive. Simply I want no drama, no hatrerid and no bad vibes! This is all happiness here people, and I love it -Just because our lives are shit doesn't mean our moods have to be, right?-
Anyway, I feel like I'm boring you. I have music playing on my XBox and I think I'm going to continue playing Borderlands before my insomniac ass want's to go to bed. (Ew, gross. I just scratched open one ofthe cuts on my face and got blood in the water I was drinking. But hey, It's my own blood right?)
Would tell you how my day went because it wasn't intresting. So I'm going to let you go here, with a warning.
I won't be able to post often, I don't have too much access to the internet, if I even remember how to get to this website. And some days, I might bore the shit out of you. But in others, I could be the most entertaining thing you have. But remember my rule! Don't tell anyone about me! I don't want to be famous and I'm serious. I guess you can kind of call it a fear.
Keep on Shining until tomarrow,
Say goodnight to the Moon and Stars,
-Essa
I don't want this blog to be all about me though. If your reading something, that you find similiar to yourself please tell me about it! I would love to hear your stories and how you went about them. I hope to not only entertain my readers, but know them as well. I can assure you that if you have posted a comment or are currently following me, I have seen your blog at least once, and not just as a pity look. I promise.
Anywho, how's about I tell you a tad bit of myself so maybe you can get an idea of what kind of girl who's shit your going to be reading for however long you plan to read for, if you have even made it to this point.
Some of my posts will be in poem formation, I can assure you that.
I love to write, and I hope that some day I become a poet, or a book author. That's one thing I would not mind being as famous as Steven King for. My lifetime goal although has nothing to do with a paying occupation -though oddly enough it can be turned into one-. It's to be a Mom. I don't care if the story starts out with, "I found the love of my life and years later we had our first love baby," or "Well one night I drank too much Jack Daniels for my own good and wound up with Jude here," It's still my dream.
To get to that dream, I have to get through so much more of my life first. A Husband/Fiance/Boyfriend is definitly not needed in the mix, but if it happens I guess it happens. Hell it might even make my plans a tad bit easier -and happier-.
I want to be on good terms with everyone. That does not mean that I want to be everyones friend, or I'm trying to be the most popular person alive. Simply I want no drama, no hatrerid and no bad vibes! This is all happiness here people, and I love it -Just because our lives are shit doesn't mean our moods have to be, right?-
Anyway, I feel like I'm boring you. I have music playing on my XBox and I think I'm going to continue playing Borderlands before my insomniac ass want's to go to bed. (Ew, gross. I just scratched open one ofthe cuts on my face and got blood in the water I was drinking. But hey, It's my own blood right?)
Would tell you how my day went because it wasn't intresting. So I'm going to let you go here, with a warning.
I won't be able to post often, I don't have too much access to the internet, if I even remember how to get to this website. And some days, I might bore the shit out of you. But in others, I could be the most entertaining thing you have. But remember my rule! Don't tell anyone about me! I don't want to be famous and I'm serious. I guess you can kind of call it a fear.
Keep on Shining until tomarrow,
Say goodnight to the Moon and Stars,
-Essa
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